Tuesday, June 13, 2006

So nathan might move home. that would leave me at moving home also. if my parents let me.

im 23. i mean come on. im gonna end up being the guy across the street who is 45, making pipe bombs and selling drugs from the trailer he lives in behind his parents house.

im not so worried about the cultural stigma of such a situation. ive never been one to really care. but it does get annoying after awhile and way you down. same with anything people constantly make fun of you about.

my main concern is that i know i will be depressed living there. i will resort to my natural state of seclusion. i wont talk to people and i wont hang out with them. namely nathan. i think we keep eachother sane. perhaps the opposite. its hard to prove.

im done with village now. i dont know how much longer i will be working at ethnos for whatever reason. i want to go to school but i cant afford it. so where does that leave me? i dont think im ready to take a job leading worship. thats scary to me. but where can i get a flexible job that i can continue my ministries, both foreign and domestic, and make enough to live?

it seems like the things i want to do im just not going to be able to support myself doing. and that is depressing. i really love doing music missions. but im not making money on it. and i dont want to make money doing it. i just want to do it. i could more than fill my schedule with music and serving things. and i do. but when its ministry your motives are wrong if you ask for money. i just want to survive.

im just feeling a little failure and a little lostness. its hard to see any step but back.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

ive been having weird dreams lately that have been putting me in strange moods. they are always fairly depressing dreams. or at least once i wake up they are. normally i never really remember my dreams, but i have been for the last week or so.

some memories just never seem to go away.

Monday, June 05, 2006

I've been invited to go to Poland with a couple NGA evangelist in November. About $2500. yikes. at least i have more than a month to raise it this time.

Here's all the info i have so far:

Trust you are well? It has been very busy here as we prepare for ministry in Africa in three weeks.
I have an outreach later this year in Poland. The dates are approx. November 10 - 21. The cost is about $2,500. The ministry there will be very different than India. We are having about 19 different events that are what we call affinity events. Mostly, they are meal events with targeted audiences. For example, breakfast, lunch or dinner for groups such as: civic leaders, businessmen, taxi drivers, women, seniors, medical doctors, teachers, police etc... It makes it much easier for a christian doctor to invite a non-christian doctor to a free meal event that is just for them and the message is geared to them.

Are you interested? If so, I would love to speak with you further. Specifically I am asking if you want to do the music.


one litte problem is my guitar. Its on its last leg but just dont have any money right now.

i should be getting my highlight video from my india trip any day now. thats gonna be awesome.