So nathan might move home. that would leave me at moving home also. if my parents let me.
im 23. i mean come on. im gonna end up being the guy across the street who is 45, making pipe bombs and selling drugs from the trailer he lives in behind his parents house.
im not so worried about the cultural stigma of such a situation. ive never been one to really care. but it does get annoying after awhile and way you down. same with anything people constantly make fun of you about.
my main concern is that i know i will be depressed living there. i will resort to my natural state of seclusion. i wont talk to people and i wont hang out with them. namely nathan. i think we keep eachother sane. perhaps the opposite. its hard to prove.
im done with village now. i dont know how much longer i will be working at ethnos for whatever reason. i want to go to school but i cant afford it. so where does that leave me? i dont think im ready to take a job leading worship. thats scary to me. but where can i get a flexible job that i can continue my ministries, both foreign and domestic, and make enough to live?
it seems like the things i want to do im just not going to be able to support myself doing. and that is depressing. i really love doing music missions. but im not making money on it. and i dont want to make money doing it. i just want to do it. i could more than fill my schedule with music and serving things. and i do. but when its ministry your motives are wrong if you ask for money. i just want to survive.
im just feeling a little failure and a little lostness. its hard to see any step but back.
im 23. i mean come on. im gonna end up being the guy across the street who is 45, making pipe bombs and selling drugs from the trailer he lives in behind his parents house.
im not so worried about the cultural stigma of such a situation. ive never been one to really care. but it does get annoying after awhile and way you down. same with anything people constantly make fun of you about.
my main concern is that i know i will be depressed living there. i will resort to my natural state of seclusion. i wont talk to people and i wont hang out with them. namely nathan. i think we keep eachother sane. perhaps the opposite. its hard to prove.
im done with village now. i dont know how much longer i will be working at ethnos for whatever reason. i want to go to school but i cant afford it. so where does that leave me? i dont think im ready to take a job leading worship. thats scary to me. but where can i get a flexible job that i can continue my ministries, both foreign and domestic, and make enough to live?
it seems like the things i want to do im just not going to be able to support myself doing. and that is depressing. i really love doing music missions. but im not making money on it. and i dont want to make money doing it. i just want to do it. i could more than fill my schedule with music and serving things. and i do. but when its ministry your motives are wrong if you ask for money. i just want to survive.
im just feeling a little failure and a little lostness. its hard to see any step but back.
posted by Toddly13 at 9:58 PM
5 Comments:
First of all, it's about freaking ass time you wrote a post that actually had a point, and that actually communicated something about your life and how you feel about it.
Secondly, why does Nathan want to move home? He just got a new job with Troy, and it sounds like he's going to be plenty busy over the next few months. How close do you think he is to a decision?
I understand how you feel about school and money. That's why I personally bit the bullet and got school done as quickly as possible. I didn't want to be in limbo. That doesn't mean you can't still finish school. You could always look for another roommate. Maybe Zach would want to move in. It'd probably take more work to stay connected if you moved back home, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. It would just take more work.
I don't know man, it seems like lots of things are in limbo lately for a lot of people. It's a weird season. That doesn't mean you failed at anything, it just means it's a weird season. And seasons change.
(That was my official corny Christian advice for this comment).
and now for the heathens advice...
finish school kiddo! you are good @ that stuff and i know you love it. you can always take out loans you know? and if you have to move out, good luck w/everything, i know it is hard for me to keep in touch w/you guys now that we arent stepping on each others toes in the apt. we can all try to keep that beast @ bay.
as for employment woes, i admire the fact that you arent focused on making it big or trying to accumulate; that is a fucking waste of your life. i am glad you know what you wnat to do, even if doing it is going to cause some issues.
Todd,
We're two souls on the same path. (How's that for cornball?) I second with Terry about knowing what you want to do, even though it's going to be the hard way. If you wanna chat about out, give me a call, we'll chill...
We can swap stories about how life sucks sometimes, and how money especially can stick it up its own @$$.
Alright, sorry. I had to vent too. If you haven't noticed during practice (which I know you have), I've been distracted by these same things.
Oh, by the way I think you are totally ready to step up to be a worhsip leader. You just need some time to think and share more with us (the people you are leading) what God is saying to you--that's what I want to hear when you lead. I'll be praying for you (truly, I will).
Let me know if you need someone to rough Nate up to help him decide to stay. ;-)
It's nice to see you've reverted back to the pattern of NEVER POSTING A DANG THING.
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